- Гошо се оженил за една грозна мадама?
- По любов или по сметка?
- Нещо средно... Нея взел по сметка, а парите й - по любов.
Учениците на Сократ го попитали знае ли сигурно средство за любов от пръв поглед.
- Знам! - отговорил мъдрецът. - Трябва внимателно да се вгледаш втори път
Две копчета си седели на една жилетка. Изведнъж едното казало:
- Уф, много ми е топло!
- Ами разкопчай се, де - посъветвало го другото.
Exercise:
"Help me," a plump woman said to her doctor, "I want to lose weight, but I don't know how. "
"Well," the doctor said, "I know a simple exercise, you just have to shake your head left and right. "
"How many times a day?" the woman asked happily.
"Every time someone offers you food...."
Psychiatrist:
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
Greek Divorce
The Greek father calls his son a couple of days before Christmas and says, "Niko, I hate to ruin your day, but I must tell you that your mother and I are divorcing - forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Mba mba, what are you talking about?" Niko screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, We're sick of
each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister Toula and let her know."
Frantic, the son calls Toula, who explodes on the phone."No way are my loving parents getting divorced!" she shouts.
She calls Dad immediately and screams - - "Patera, you are not getting divorced! Don't do anything until we get there. I'm calling Niko back and we'll be there tomorrow. Do you hear me?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Endaxi,"
he says,"they're coming home for Christmas and paying their own way."
Baby:
Two children talk:
A: I will have a brother!
B: How do you know that?
A: The last time Mummy was sick, I had a sister. And now Daddy is sick.
Thanksgiving:
What did the turkey say on Thanksgiving?
Don't "gobble" me up!. . . ....
Cheap Parking:
Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral.
"Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says.
The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back.
"That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says.
The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
An Overweight Blonde:
An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
Accountant:
The old accountant retired after forty years, and on the top drawer of his desk they found a note that said: "debits in the columns toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window."
Lawyer:
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!"
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