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Q - what is the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A - oral sex makes your day. but anal sex makes your hole weak!!!

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Q - what is the difference between "light" and "hard"?

A - there is no problem to sleep with a light on...
 

 
ein Burgenländer (Ostfriese) kommt in die Trafik (in den Tabakladen) und verlangt eine Packung Zigaretten.
Auf der Packung steht: "Rauchen macht impotent"
darauf der Burgenländer (Ostfriese): ach geben Sie mir doch lieber eine mit Lungenkrebs...

:)
 

It's not difficult to make a woman happy!
A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined!
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes


IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
------------------------------------
I'm always willing to learn
When you've got something to teach

(Depeche Mode, "Strangelove")

Un uomo fa alla moglie: "Cara, se dovessi morire, ti risposeresti?"
- "Certo!"
- "E lo faresti entrare nella mia casa?"
- "Certo!"
- "E lo faresti dormire nel mio letto?"
- "Certo!"
- "E gli faresti mettere i suoi vestiti nel mio armadio?"
- "Certo!"
- "E gli faresti guidare la mia macchina?"
- "Certo!"
- "E gli faresti usare le mie mazze da golf?"
- "Certo che no!"
- "E perché?"
- "Perché è mancino... !"

 
- du, da war doch mal diese Wahrsagerin, die Deinem Sohn prophezeit hat, er würde so große Brücken bauen, dass den Leuten förmlich der Mund offen bliebe...
- ja, stimmt!
- und? ist er Architekt geworden?
- nein. Zahnarzt!
 

One sunny day in February 2009 an old man approached the White House
from across Pensylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park
bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to
go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer
president and no longer resides here.'

The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said
to the same Marine. 'I would like to go in and meet with President
Bush.'

The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is
no longer president and no longer resides here.'

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.


The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to
the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with
President Bush.'

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man
and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here
asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is
no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you
understand?'

The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just
love hearing it.'

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow.'

... des Briefträgers: "Guuuuter Hund, braaaaver Hund..."
... eines LKW-Fahrers: "Diese alten Holzbrücken halten ewig!"
... des Zahnarztes: "Hab ich den Nerv getroffen?"
... des Nitroglyzerinlieferanten: "Fang!"
... einer Geisel bei einem Bankraub: "Du wirst niemals schießen, Feigling!"
... des Detektivs: "Klarer Fall, Sie sind der Mörder!"
... eines Reporters: "...und die Lawine kommt mir entgegen..."
... des Elektrikers: "Ich schalte jetzt ein."
... des Sprengmeisters: "Was ist denn das für ein Draht?"
... des U-Boot-Matrosen: "Hier sollte mal gelüftet werden."
... des Rennfahrers: "Ob der Mechaniker weiß, dass ich mit seiner Freundin schlafe?"