Geht eine Frau zum Psychiater und sagt: "Herr Doktor, mein Mann denkt er wäre ein Raumschiff". Sagt der Psychiater: "Da muss ihr Mann zu mir kommen!"
Antwortet die Frau: "Gut, aber wo soll er denn landen?"
A highly decorated US Marine Corps sniper is asked: "Sergeant, what do you feel when you're shooting an enemy combatant?"
He thinks for a second, then answers: "Recoil."
Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really tick me off!"
Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the rec room of the retirement home with her fist clenched above her head. “Anybody who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight.”
An old man looks up from the pool table and says, “Ummmm, an elephant?”
Bessie thinks about it for a second and says, “Close enough!”
A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.” The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.” “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?” “Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods the golfer?”
“Yeah.” "
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. “What are you doing?” asks the wife. The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that!” She claims.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.” The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “What are you doing?” She asks. The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.” Again she claims.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a third time.” The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole!”
loewe128 Moderator.
Wacko ..
mars ..
miisa .