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... des Briefträgers: "Guuuuter Hund, braaaaver Hund..." ... eines LKW-Fahrers: "Diese alten Holzbrücken halten ewig!" ... des Zahnarztes: "Hab ich den Nerv getroffen?" ... des Nitroglyzerinlieferanten: "Fang!" ... einer Geisel bei einem Bankraub: "Du wirst niemals schießen, Feigling!" ... des Detektivs: "Klarer Fall, Sie sind der Mörder!" ... eines Reporters: "...und die Lawine kommt mir entgegen..." ... des Elektrikers: "Ich schalte jetzt ein." ... des Sprengmeisters: "Was ist denn das für ein Draht?" ... des U-Boot-Matrosen: "Hier sollte mal gelüftet werden." ... des Rennfahrers: "Ob der Mechaniker weiß, dass ich mit seiner Freundin schlafe?"

One sunny day in February 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pensylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine. 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?' The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.' The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow.'

  - du, da war doch mal diese Wahrsagerin, die Deinem Sohn prophezeit hat, er würde so große Brücken bauen, dass den Leuten förmlich der Mund offen bliebe... - ja, stimmt! - und? ist er Architekt geworden? - nein. Zahnarzt!  

Un uomo fa alla moglie: "Cara, se dovessi morire, ti risposeresti?" - "Certo!" - "E lo faresti entrare nella mia casa?" - "Certo!" - "E lo faresti dormire nel mio letto?" - "Certo!" - "E gli faresti mettere i suoi vestiti nel mio armadio?" - "Certo!" - "E gli faresti guidare la mia macchina?" - "Certo!" - "E gli faresti usare le mie mazze da golf?" - "Certo che no!" - "E perché?" - "Perché è mancino... !"

It's not difficult to make a woman happy! A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined! 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY: 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food ------------------------------------ I'm always willing to learn When you've got something to teach (Depeche Mode, "Strangelove")

  ein Burgenländer (Ostfriese) kommt in die Trafik (in den Tabakladen) und verlangt eine Packung Zigaretten. Auf der Packung steht: "Rauchen macht impotent" darauf der Burgenländer (Ostfriese): ach geben Sie mir doch lieber eine mit Lungenkrebs... :)  

Q - what is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A - oral sex makes your day. but anal sex makes your hole weak!!! ______________________________________________ Q - what is the difference between "light" and "hard"? A - there is no problem to sleep with a light on...